God thought a woman was hard to understand, you have no idea what us
poor Brits have to put up with from Europe:
New Euro Language in the Works
The European Union commissioners have announced that an agreement has
been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European
communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted
five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for
short).
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly,
sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will
be replased with "k". Not only wil this klear up konfusion, but
typewriters kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik
enthusiasm.
In the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f".
This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the
horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would
go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing
"th" by "z" and "w" by "v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords containing
"ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of
leters.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze
forst plase.